Seeking Joyful Simplicity

Your best life after 40 - living with purpose and vibrant health. Empowering you with a holistic approach: nourishing foods, herbal remedies, and self-care to reduce overwhelm, manage your weight, and enjoy vibrant health in your 40's, 50's, and beyond.

Living with Purpose

A Better Way to Start Your Day – How to Start Your Day with a Positive Attitude

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 How do you start your day? 

Are you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, feeling excited and optimistic?
Or do you drag yourself from bed with weariness and dread?

Despite our personal challenges, we can choose how we start our days.

I say “choose”, because we can be intentional in how we begin each day. Although I have children and a job with long hours and a long commute, I can choose to get up early or later, rush or take my time, make time for exercise or lie in bed, eat a good breakfast or hurry out the door. 

After a while it becomes a habit. And like anything else, we can either have good habits or bad habits. And how we start our mornings can have a huge impact on the rest of our day.

A Better Way to Start Your Day – How to Start Your Day with a Positive Attitude

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” ~ Aristotle 

You can, with some thought and planning, reset your habits for waking up each day.

But it’s not just what we do in the mornings, it’s the thoughts and emotions we experience that will produce profound changes in our day. Especially when life is challenging, changing what we choose to think about as we get started each day can help us find more optimism and resilience.

 

Are your first thoughts of the day consumed with worry, stress, complaining, or other negative emotions? Try these simple ways to start your day with a positive attitude

 

Changing your morning mindset – Starting your day with more positive emotions and energy

Even before you get out of bed, start with noticing your thoughts – are they positive or negative? Are your first thoughts of the day consumed with worry, stress, complaining, or other negative emotions?

Start getting into the habit of asking yourself these questions when you wake up:

  • What can I be excited about today? (If you are unable to find excitement, how about something to feel grateful for?)
  • What, or who might cause me stress today? How can I respond in a positive way, from my higher self? (Visualize yourself responding to stress in a calm, positive way)
  • Who can I surprise today with a thank you or a moment of appreciation?
  • What emotions do I want to feel today? (Joyful, focused, carefree, determined, compassionate, happy, peaceful…)

Instead of jumping out of bed the second the alarm goes off (and turning to the outside world), or hitting snooze 5 times so that you have no time for yourself in the morning, build in some quiet time before starting your day.

Even if you don’t have a lot of time or energy, there are a few simple things you can use to create a positive morning routine. Just 5 minutes of one or more of these activities can change your entire day.

To create a more positive morning routine, try some of these:

  • Light stretching (even in bed!)
  • Yoga
  • Meditation
  • Journalling
  • Affirmations

It’s amazing how changing just the first few minutes can impact your whole day.

My challenge for you – Pay attention to how you start your day – your thoughts and your actions. Can you make it better? Make your plan to change and Get Started!

I would love to hear from you – What is your favorite way to start the day? 

With affection,~ Michelle

Start Your Day with Joy – Morning Affirmations

Join the Seeking Joyful Simplicity Community and receive 20 morning affirmations to help you start your day with joy.
When you join, you’ll be added to my email newsletter. You can unsubscribe anytime, no hard feelings. 🙂

 

 

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The Most Important Thing – Having the Courage to Live with Authenticity

The Most Important Thing – Having the Courage to Live with Authenticity

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Living with Authenticity Requires a Great Deal of Courage

“The ego must hide all that we believe is unacceptable about ourselves. To accomplish this task, it constructs a mask to prove to others that we are not as defective, inferior, worthless, and bad as we might fear we are. None of us likes to admit that we have these flaws and insecurities, so to hide them, we create a persona at a very young age. We start to wrap ourselves up in a new package that we believe will bring us the love, attention, and acceptance that we hunger for. We create personas so that we can belong.” ~ Debbie Ford

Accepting ourselves, dropping our masks, feeling free to be who we really are…requires a great deal of courage. Self-acceptance involves an awareness of our strengths and weaknesses, and the ability to forgive ourselves for past choices and mistakes.

Self-acceptance involves an awareness of our strengths and weaknesses, and the ability to forgive ourselves for past choices and mistakes. Living with authenticity requires courage.

 

Searching for Self-Acceptance and Living with Authenticity

 *This is (an edited) part of a letter written to a friend. I thought you might need to hear it too.​

I am going to tell you something and I hope you are ready to hear it…

You are afraid. Afraid to live an inauthentic life, but also afraid to show your true self. You are terrified that if a person discovers the real you, they will reject you. You fear you are deeply flawed, and no one can truly love the “real you”.

I understand this, because I feel it too.

And so you wear your many masks. And it makes you tired.
You are tired of so many things…

Tired of not complaining too much.
Tired of smiling politely and nodding your head.
Tired of being a good listener, and ignoring what you want to say.
Tired of striving.
Tired of being strong.
Tired of stretching yourself so thin that any little thing might cause you to break.
Tired of not saying how you really feel because you don’t want to upset, hurt, disappoint, anger, annoy, or inconvenience others (and to avoid the conflict, because sometimes it’s all just too exhausting.)

Accepting Ourselves (Imperfect as We Are)

With so many masks to wear and roles to play, sometimes you forget who you really are. (Especially as mothers and care-givers, we do forget who we are.)

So, take some time and ask yourself, really ask yourself –

Who am I? 

Who are you, really? What is your purpose? (Look to your strengths, they will guide you.)
What excites you, what makes you feel alive and real and connected to something bigger than yourself?

Surround yourself with the right people.

For too long you have believed the lies – others telling you that you are weak, broken, stupid, and ugly. You are none of these things.

Keep learning, stretching, and striving.

Feel the fear, and be yourself anyway. Because you are a beautiful person. You don’t need fixing or changing. You are beautifully flawed, just as you are. I’ve seen you shine.

You will find your way again my friend. You will discover answers. You will feel joy, excitement, connection, and meaning again. I know you will. Don’t give up on yourself.

You are beautiful, strong, loving, courageous, and a joy to be around.

With deep affection,
~ Michelle

 

The Most Important Thing


We all want to feel accepted as we are.
We all want to feel seen, and to know that we matter.

The most important thing you can do for someone you care about is to show up and allow them be real – and to know that they have been seen and heard by you.

Come visit me at Facebook: Facebook Seeking Joyful Simplicity

Or on Instagram: Seeking Joyful Simplicity

You might also like:

Letter to Myself – Stop Putting Off Happiness

Changing Our Relationship With Food – 5 Strategies to Change the Way You Think About Food (And Stop Dieting)

 

A Few Thoughts on Grief

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Grief and grieving, healing from loss

It’s been 14 years since the abrupt loss of my mother. Here are a few thoughts on the deeply personal process of grieving.

Thinking about mom. How I started out for my run that morning but felt compelled instead to check in on her. Finding her still in bed, a bleeding cut on her forehead. Her skin bright orange from the jaundice. She was so weak. Afraid, but still stoic. Taking her to the emergency department. The crash cart outside her room. The day in the ED. Not really knowing exactly what was going on, but knowing it was serious.

As they prepared her for transport to Norfolk General I said, “I’ll see you later mom.”

Those were the last words I ever spoke to her.

Seeing her on life support. Thinking, “Man, she would be pissed if she knew this was happening to her.” Mom was fiercely independent, and the idea of being dependent on anyone, ever, terrified her.

The hum of the machines pumping oxygen into her lungs. The dialysis technicians chatting as they worked around her. I wanted a moment alone with my mom, but they wouldn’t stop talking. They seemed oblivious to my sorrow.

Leaving with my sister Melody to take a break for lunch. Coming back and being told she passed as soon as we left. “It’s common, it happens a lot,” the ICU nurse told us. “It’s like they wait for the family to leave before passing on.”

It’s strange the random thoughts that pass through your mind when confronted with sudden death. Feeling so detached, and then a sense of guilt. “Shouldn’t I be crying, weeping, overcome with grief?” Of course in the moment, you manage as best you can.

In the following weeks and months, I had real difficulty with expressing my grief. Each time it took hold of me, it felt so overwhelming I thought I would drown in it. So, I would try to let it out, a little at a time, but always quickly squashed it back down.

Part of this was practical reasons, after all I had young children to care for. Between work and family, I didn’t feel I had space for my grief. I had to “keep my shit together.”

And so I went on with life as usual. My coworkers noted how little affected I appeared to be (knowing intuitively that I was suffering.) And of course, my husband found my grief to be an inconvenience. (This would turn out to be the beginning of the end for our marriage.)

All these years later and I still haven’t properly grieved for my mother. I suppose I don’t really know how. It’s uncomfortable. There are other emotions I would much rather experience. Things I would prefer to focus on. But I know it’s not healthy. I need to honor my mother’s memory, respect my grief and the mashed up mix of emotions I have for my mom – love, respect, admiration, disappointment, anger, sadness, loss, confusion…

“I think I will take some time and do that now,” I think to myself. As if grief is something you schedule time for. Turn it on, then turn it off. Is this right? It is my brain trying to control something that is by nature uncontrollable. It’s like trying to control water or air – it always finds ways to escape and go where it wants to go. Sometimes in trickles or puffs, sometimes in torrents and windstorms.

Learning to Let Go

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All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
~ Havelock Ellis

 

Flower Seed 2

 

Walking the gardens, I notice the changing beauty. The flowers have shed their colors, the red berries are in full bloom, and the plants are releasing their seeds. It seems there could be a message for us here.

Last year I learned to see autumn in a new way. The world circles the sun, but our lives are never the same as we spiral in and out of the seasons. I am learning to pay attention to the changes within as well as the external.

 

Seeds1

 

Despite the death and decline abundant in the garden, I am surprised at the amount of beauty, why had I never noticed these passing flowers before? In the process of dying, they transform and release, carrying seeds forward for the next generation. Feeling a general sense of unease within myself, the plants remind me perhaps I too have things to let go.

 

Dried Flower 1

 

Our ancestors knew to acknowledge the transitions between the seasons, but their celebrations were spiritual, not commercial like ours. We mark our calendars with our designated holidays, some historical – Columbus day and Veteran’s day, some religious – Christmas and Hanukkah, but these have been overshadowed by commercialization.

The decreasing hours of daylight causes physiological changes within our bodies which we attempt to overcome. Modern life doesn’t allow for us to slow down, and so we resist the signals our bodies send and muscle our way through the “holiday season” hectic and demanding based on unrealistic expectations set for us by the media and advertisers.

Let’s readjust our expectations, shall we?

Perhaps we can find small ways to slow down and acknowledge the signals nature and our bodies are sending us. Can we find a way to take time for deeper contemplation? What significance does this season carry for us personally?

Are there things we can let go of? Unresolved anger, unexpressed grief, unacknowledged fears?

Learning to Let Go

Sometimes we hold onto our problems because they have become a part of our sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us. I do believe it is possible to learn to let go of past anger, shame, fear, and pain. In doing so, we release the hold our past has on us so we can live better in the present and create a more positive future.

Last fall, I talked about the tradition of allowing time to grieve during the season of autumn.

I don’t believe there is ever truly an end to grief, it becomes a part of us as we experience the loss of those we love. But if we don’t fully acknowledge our feelings, they can cause health problems. We cannot separate our health from our emotions. Each feeling is expressed in our bodies as a chemical-electrical response. Our bodies know our feelings, even when we refuse to.

Moving through the days of autumn, feeling the internal change with the season, I am reminding myself what truly matters. I am learning to let go, accept things as they are, and making time for those I love.

With love and affection,

Michelle

*Thank you Chris, for sharing the beauty with me.

Slowing Down and Living Joyfully

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Sometimes I feel like I am on a treadmill and running through my life. Going to work all day, then coming home to take care of the cooking, cleaning, paying bills, doing laundry, and tending to my family’s needs. And worse, despite working really hard, I rarely enjoy any sense of accomplishment – in all the rushing around, I am barely able to keep my head above water. I end up feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and run-down, and find myself wondering, how can I find a way to slow down and live joyfully?

 

 

Why I am sharing this with you? Because I suspect many of us feel this way sometimes (or all the time!). There has to be more to life than living for the weekends and vacations. How can we slow down and enjoy more peace and joy in our everyday lives?

There are a lot of reasons for us to learn to slow down, relax, and live with more peace and joy. When we are centered, calm, and joyful, we have so much more to offer our families, friends, and communities. We are open to discovering our inner strengths, and are able to improve our relationships with ourselves and those we love.

When our lives are frantic and stressful, our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health is compromised. The physical response and the long-term effects are devastating. Research links chronic stress to:

  • Poor digestion
  • Insomnia
  • Overeating
  • Heart disease
  • Diabetes
  • Depression

Of course, we can’t just drop all our responsibilities, but we can do a few things to make our life a little less crazy. I have fives simple strategies to suggest as a gentle reminder to slow down and live joyfully. Of course, you will find your own way, and take what works for you and ignore the rest.

Slow Down and Live Joyfully – Five small but powerful things you can do to feel better now

  1. Slow down and focus on the Present
  2. Change your expectations
  3. Prioritize and learn to let go (without the guilt)
  4. Practice gratitude
  5. Take time for self-care

1. Slow Down and Focus on the Present Moment

How much of our time and energy is spent on fretting over the past or worrying over the future? How can we take pleasure in the daily tasks of living if we are focused on rushing ahead to the next thing?

Slowing down and paying attention to the present moment is a powerful way to bring more peace into our lives. Whatever the task at hand, pay close attention, using all your senses. Perhaps you are washing the dishes. Pay attention to the sensation of the warm water, soapy sponge, and the sounds of dishes clattering as you move through the process. Don’t rush, or become distracted, but focus and breathe. You might find a new sense of calm and ease. Try to hold onto this as you move through your day.

 

2. Change Your Expectations

Are you trying to do it all? When I stopped to evaluate everything I was attempting to do (and put it all in writing), I realized how crazy my expectations were. There are only 24 hours in a day, or 168 hours in a week. Take away the time spent at a job with commuting, then subtract about 7 hours a night for sleep and that only leaves about 69 hours a week for everything else.

When I realized how limited my “free time” was, I knew I had to adjust my expectations. Which leads me to strategy three.

3. Prioritize and Let Go

As we all know, there are obligations and responsibilities we cannot abandon (well, we probably could, but not as responsible adults.) But at least some of the stress and madness in our lives can be adjusted if we stop to consider our choices.

There are many things that are really important to me, and probably to you too. But the most important to me are family and health – both physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Changing my expectations and realizing the preciousness of my free time helps me to decide my priorities. Deciding what matters most helps me to let go of many of the smaller things that were sucking up my time and energy, and causing unnecessary stress.

I was able to let go of some things without the guilt because I knew I was saving my time and energy for what really matters most in my life. We can let go of the negative belief that we need more to be happy. We can choose to live with less and enjoy voluntary simplicity.

And we can decide we don’t need to put off being happy.

4. Practice Gratitude

Feeling grateful when you are overwhelmed and stressed can be a difficult challenge. But don’t underestimate the power of taking just a few minutes to find gratitude. During a three-year period I lost both my parents and my marriage, and yet I used the power of gratitude to pull myself through my days. Some days I was simply thankful for the clear blue sky and the love of my young children. The more you practice gratitude, the easier it is to feel a deep sense of peace and fullness in life.

5.     Self-Care

Staying mindful and present, adjusting my expectations, considering my priorities, and finding gratitude, all help me to remember to take care of myself. If I neglect my needs, whether they are physical, emotional, or spiritual, I cannot function at my best, and everything that matters most to me suffers. I cannot be mindful, present, and joyful with my family if I am suffering from my own neglect.

Self-care doesn’t require a big time commitment. It can be as simple as asking for a little support when needed. A gentle reminder to my spouse and children to pick up the house, or to give me a few minutes alone after I return from work to recoup from a hectic day.

Small things, if done regularly, can make a big difference.

  • Perhaps sitting quietly with a warm cup of tea for a few minutes.
  • A hot bath with lavender oil.
  • A few minutes of gentle stretching or yoga.
  • A short walk in nature.
  • Prayer

 

When you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and run-down, try these simple ways to slow down and live joyfully

We often get caught up in the “all or nothing” mentality, and think that we need to do a lot of something to get a benefit, but in reality, it’s the small things done regularly that can make the biggest difference without taking too much time or adding more stress to our already full days.

Think of the small actions you would do to offer comfort to a loved one. Can you do this for yourself?

These are the thing I am doing to stay healthy, happy, and productive. While they seem simple and obvious, it can be hard to think clearly when caught up in the hectic pace of our full lives. I hope this is a gentle reminder for you.

Questions for you to consider –

Are you mindful of the present moment as you move through your day?
Do your expectations need adjusting?
What matters most to you? Are your daily choices supporting this?
What are some of the small ways you can take care of yourself?

 In peace and comfort,
Michelle

For more on slowing down and enjoying life:

Seeking Joyful Simplicity – Four Herbs for Managing Stress and Overwhelm

Zen Habits http://zenhabits.net/the-10-essential-rules-for-slowing-down-and-enjoying-life-more/

Seeking Joyful Simplicity – Stop Putting Off Happiness

Especially for working moms: https://www.pgeveryday.com/health-wellbeing/stress-relief/article/7-top-tips-for-handling-stress-as-a-working-mom

 

This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through these links I receive a small commission at no cost to you. Thank you for supporting Seeking Joyful Simplicity.

Avoid Homestead Burnout – Stop Trying to Do It All

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The aroma of fresh baked bread, jars of home canned goodness lining the pantry shelves, a beautiful meal created with ingredients from the garden, and the sounds of happy chickens in the yard. If you are on the homesteading, self-sufficient living journey, these are the moments many of us dream of.

 

Homesteading Dreams – Avoid Homestead Burnout and Stop Trying to Do It All

The aroma of fresh baked bread, jars of home canned goodness lining the pantry shelves, a beautiful meal created with ingredients from the garden, and the sounds of happy chickens in the yard. If you are on the homesteading, self-sufficient living journey, these are the moments many of us dream of.

The dirty truth

The reality of course, includes laundry hanging on the line with a thunderstorm approaching. The chickens in the yard are the last three of a dozen, the others killed by a marauding fox, and the vegetables on the table required hours and hours of back-breaking work. Dishes are piled high in the sink and the floors haven’t seen a broom or mop in ages.

Too often the images we see spread across social media don’t show the dirty truth about homesteading and self-sufficient living. We end up setting too many high expectations for ourselves, become discouraged, and end up with homestead burnout. I know, because I am feeling it.

In an effort to avoid burnout, I am reminding myself to slow down and stop trying to do it all. I know I need to set smaller, more achievable goals, learn to let some things go, and make time for taking care of myself. There is so much I love about this lifestyle, and I don’t want to give it up in frustration and overwhelm.

If you are suffering from homestead burnout, don’t give up the dream! Consider these six steps to create a better balance.

Step One – Set Realistic Goals

Decide what it is you value most – a well-stocked pantry, growing more food, cooking from scratch, DIY projects, saving money, raising animals, or learning new skills.

Write a list, then put a number next to each one, with number one going beside the activity you consider most important to feel successful as a homesteader. Then give a number for each item from most to least important.

Sometimes we set goals for ourselves based on what others are doing, and the misguided belief that we should be doing the same. Be realistic with yourself – what do you really want to be doing, have the skills to tackle, and are able to devote an appropriate amount of time to?

Use this to guide you in setting realistic goals. Sometimes, when we see in writing everything we are trying to accomplish, reality hits us. We can take a step back and evaluate what truly feels most important on our homesteading journey.

For me, growing food for the family is important, but gardening is a lot of hard work. Instead of trying to do it all, I now focus on growing a few foods that take less time but save us money all year. You can read my strategy – Best Foods to Grow to save Money – when you don’t have a lot of time.

 

The images we see spread across social media don’t show the dirty truth about homesteading. We set too many high expectations for ourselves, become discouraged, and end up with homestead burnout.

 

Step Two – Decide What to Give Up

As much as we’d like to do it all, there are not enough hours in a day.

Of course, as I determine which goals and activities are top priority, I am also deciding what to give up. Sometimes we need to abandon certain ideas altogether, as they will never be a good fit for our lifestyle (raising and butchering our own pigs is one example that will likely never happen for us.) But maybe some things simply need to be saved for later (raising goats and learning to make cheese.)

Instead of struggling because we feel the need to do it all, we make the conscious choice to let some things go, at least for now. We are giving ourselves more breathing space in this way. It’s okay, we really don’t have to do it all.

Step Three – Do What You Love

 

The images we see spread across social media don’t show the dirty truth about homesteading. We set too many high expectations for ourselves, become discouraged, and end up with homestead burnout.

 

Once you have decided what is most important to you, created realistic goals based on your priorities, and given yourself permission to let some things go, don’t forget to include time for the things you love, even if they are not directly related to self-sufficiency.

Living a well-balanced life means being intentional in how we choose to spend our time. After two and a half years, I am finally realizing I can’t afford to put off happiness until later. We were so caught up in building our homestead, creating infrastructure, and trying to accomplish greater self-sufficiency, we weren’t giving ourselves time to do the things we love.

Be sure to make time for the things you love, and start doing them today.

 

Step Four – Share Resources

 

The images we see spread across social media don’t show the dirty truth about homesteading. We set too many high expectations for ourselves, become discouraged, and end up with homestead burnout.

 

Since you can’t do it all (none of us can!), consider creating a barter. This doesn’t have to be something formal, just as simple as finding a friend who does a few things really well, and agreeing to share for some things you do really well.

Perhaps you love making sourdough bread and your friend makes a super amazing blackberry jam every summer – offer an exchange! Or maybe you have a great harvest of winter squash this year and want to trade some butternuts for a neighbor’s home-made applesauce.

We have a great relationship with our neighbors, and we often share resources. Creating community is an essential part of living a self-sufficient lifestyle that often gets overlooked.

 

Step Five – Keep  a Homestead Journal

 

The images we see spread across social media don’t show the dirty truth about homesteading. We set too many high expectations for ourselves, become discouraged, and end up with homestead burnout.

 

Even if you already have a homestead binder for gardening notes and such, try keeping a homestead journal to track your goals. This is a great way to see the progress you are making, re-evaluate what you are doing, and offer insights into what truly brings you satisfaction.

Sometimes when we are caught up in the busyness of daily and seasonal activities, and so focused on what needs to be done, we lose the ability to see how far we have come. Keeping a journal with goals and highlights of our seasons, we can look back and better appreciate all we have achieved.

 

Step Six – Take Care of Yourself

We can easily get so caught up in the never-ending tasks of managing a home and pursuing a more self-sufficient life that we forget the most important thing of all – taking care of ourselves. Self-care involves the obvious things like eating well, staying hydrated, and getting the rest we need.

But self-care also means we are addressing our emotional and spiritual needs as well as our physical needs. Spending quality time with those we love, relaxing in nature, and pursuing our passions require time and energy. If we are so exhausted from our homesteading efforts, we cannot enjoy our lives and our health suffers.

Hopefully, the process of deciding our priorities and setting realistic goals, giving ourselves permission to let some things go, making time for the things we love, journaling our progress, and taking time out for self-care will give us the peace, joy, and contentment we imagine when we think of the homesteading life.

With great affection,
~ Michelle