Seeking Joyful Simplicity

Your best life after 40 - living with purpose and vibrant health. Empowering you with a holistic approach: nourishing foods, herbal remedies, and self-care to reduce overwhelm, manage your weight, and enjoy vibrant health in your 40's, 50's, and beyond.

Living with Purpose

You Can’t Change Others, So Change Yourself – Setting Personal Boundaries

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Setting Personal Boundaries

“You change for two reasons: Either you learn enough that you want to, or you’ve been hurt enough that you have to.” ~Unknown

This is a guest post by friend and fellow blogger DM – you can enjoy more of his musings at:  hearttoheart3.wordpress.com and ialsoliveonafarm.wordpress.com

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Dad

Six in the morning, the phone rang.

I stumbled out of bed.

Dad was on the other end of the line.

He asked if I was still planning to pour the concrete floor that morning?

(We were scheduled to pour cement, but I needed to check the weather forecast first/ Nothing worse than getting a downpour when you’re in the middle of dumping concrete)
I told him I still needed to check the weather forecast…

“Junior, don’t you listen to the radio?”  He quipped sarcastically. (I need to interject here, I am his firstborn.  Grew up shy, super compliant.   Never really gave my parents all that much trouble growing up.  Dad is 6 ft 2.   Ran a construction company…  I always felt intimidated by him.)

Well, this morning, for some reason, probably because I’d just woken up..who knows..but his tone of voice ticked  me off, and before I could put my  good boy compliant persona on , I barked back, “You know, I don’t like it when you talk to me like that.”

Dead silence on the other end of the phone.

Can’t remember much more of our conversation after that, just that it was short.

It was a turning point in our relationship.

I was 45 years old.  I’d finally found my voice in my relationship with my dad.

I mentioned the conversation to my mom a few days later and do you know what she said??? ”I’ve been waiting for you to do that.”

Say WHAT????

She wasn’t mad.  In fact she affirmed how I’d handled it.

It was a boundary issue.

She instinctively knew it would not have been her place to get between her husband and son.

There is a quote currently on our kitchen cabinets goes like this: “Be careful what you tolerate.  You are teaching people how to treat you.”

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Michelle, asked me if I’d like to write something on the issue of boundaries, and I said I would love to.  Everything I know about boundaries currently can be traced to two sources.  First, the book “Boundaries”, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.  And secondly, the bible.  You don’t have to be a Christian to tap into the wisdom that can be gleaned from that 2000 year-old book.  Wisdom is simply applied knowledge.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As we were raising our kids, my number one goal as their parent was to work myself out of a job.
Period.

By the time they were 17, and 18, I knew I better be mostly finished with what I wanted to impart into their lives. After that, my role would switch from authority figure to that of a peer.  If you’re not careful as a parent, it’s easy to fall into the trap of continuing to look at and talk with your kids like they are still little youngsters in need of your direction.  I would not have been able to articulate that at the time of my watershed conversation with my dad, but that was part of what was going on.  He was still talking down to me like I was a little kid, when in fact I was a 45 year-old man almost done raising my own family.

I will occasionally touch bases with our kids to make sure we are not over-stepping our bounds into their lives, even now.  All 4 of them have started their own families. In some cases, I see and hear things that make me realize either their in-laws, or their spouses themselves still don’t grasp this whole boundary issue topic…but they’re learning. 

A final thought.
If you currently find yourself in a relationship with someone in your immediate family who has put a boundary in their life where they want some space from you, that is not an automatically a bad thing.  Being a parent requires lots and lots of humility.

The ability to say to your children things like:
 “I am sorry.“
 “I was wrong.”
 “Will you forgive me?”

You may need to eat a little crow.
It’s not so bad.  I’ve done it multiple times. J

And by the way, my relationship with my dad has never been better.  He just turned 86.  He recently broke his leg and has needed some extra TLC .  As I was helping him get dressed for bed last week, I realized just how thankful I am to have found my voice in that relationship.  I may still be “Junior” but he has never ever, used that sarcastic tone with me again. and that has been 15 years already.
Setting personal boundaries
Dad and I on the farm where I grew up, holding a couple of his roosters
Would love to hear your thoughts, answer questions, etc. DM

DM and his wife “MM” live on an acreage in the Midwest.  In addition to writing, DM spends his time as a builder, and teacher.  In his free time he likes to work in their apple orchard, build harvest tables out of reclaimed wood, read, and take an occasional nap.  His favorite coffee  continues to be Starbucks French Roast (whole bean/ not ground).  If you’re interested, you can read more on his personal blog at hearttoheart3.wordpress.com  and his farm blog:  ialsoliveonafarm.wordpress.com

Boundaries are about Our Relationship with Ourselves, and the Values We Hold

We cannot change others, we can only change ourselves. As DM shared, his father’s behavior toward him did not change until DM changed. Often when we set personal boundaries, after the initial period of resistance, the other person will realize their old ways no longer work, and they may adapt their behaviors according the boundaries you have set (not always.)

If you are struggling with holding healthy personal boundaries, here are a few ideas for you to think about.

  • Know your values. Instead of creating your boundaries around a difficult relationship in your life, you must make your boundaries about you. For example, if you value honesty, integrity, and respect, then you cannot allow yourself to tolerate behavior that goes against these values. Walking away from a relationship that revolves around deceit and belittling.
  • Respect yourself first. Fear, guilt, and low self-esteem make it difficult to set and hold healthy boundaries. We must first treat ourselves with respect. Be careful what you tolerate.  You are teaching people how to treat you.
  • Give yourself permission. Sometimes we have to put ourselves first, and that is perfectly okay. When we’re in a better place, we can be a better spouse, parent, co-worker or friend.
  • Seek support. If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, share your challenges –  seek help through a support group, your church, counseling, coaching or good friends.
  • Practice. Setting boundaries gets easier the more often we practice.

With affection,
~ Michelle

How to Stop Stress Eating Breaking the Pattern

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How to Stop Comfort Eating and Stress Eating

The Shame. Guilt. Disappointment.

Stress eating. Comfort eating.

I know what emotional eating is like – coming home, feeling stressed and anxious and having an overwhelming urge to eat. Heading straight to the kitchen and reaching for the familiar favorite comfort foods. 

It felt like I was eating on autopilot, barely pausing between mouth-fulls. There was no sense of fullness or satisfaction, although the eating did make me feel better in the moment. 

Knowing I should stop, but not wanting to. The thoughts of, “Well, I blew it, so I might as well just keep on eating.” Planning to do better tomorrow, there was always tomorrow. But knowing in the back of my mind I’d probably fail again. I knew I didn’t want to feel this way about myself, but I also didn’t know how to stop stress eating.

Then, after, feeling a little sick at how much junk I had eaten. The shame and sense of disappointment. Emotional eating caused more of the negative feelings I was trying to deal with.

It was a vicious cycle.

But I broke free, and if you struggle, I know you can too.

How to stop comfort and stress eating

So how do we change this destructive pattern? How do we stop stress eating?

It starts with self-compassion. Understanding that there are things we are struggling with, and we are doing the best we can. 

We also need awareness – awareness to understand our triggers, and an open willingness and curiosity to experiment to find healthy alternatives. 

If we want to break the pattern of stress eating, comfort eating, instead of just trying to stop, we need strategies – some will work better than others, depending on the day, the circumstances, and our mood.

The first thing I want you to do is to think about your triggers – the where and the when.

Second, make a list of possible alternative actions that will deliver a reward, without sabotaging your health and well-being. Being mindful, having a plan, and then taking new action. 

Third – be compassionate when you find yourself struggling. And remind yourself that it will pass – I think, for many of us, there is the fear that we won’t be able to feel centered and in control again, that the cravings will just go on and on, and we will end up returning to poor eating patterns.

Pay attention to your triggers – and have a plan for alternative ways you can cope. 

  • If you are depressed or lonely, call, text, or make plans with someone.
  • If you’re anxious, expend your nervous energy by dancing to your favorite song, squeezing a stress ball, or taking a brisk walk.
  • If you’re exhausted, treat yourself with a hot cup of tea, take a bath, light some scented candles, or wrap yourself in a warm blanket.
  • Take a brief walk
  • Read something inspiring (you could write your own positive mantra or affirmation and store it on your phone or keep it in your wallet, or wherever you can have access when you need it.
  • Watch a funny video or read some silly jokes online – laughter is a great stress-reliever.
  • Practice deep breathing. Inhale slowly to the count of four – pause – then exhale slowly to the count of four. Repeat four times.

Pause and check in with yourself when you feel the urge to comfort eat. Can you put off eating for 5 minutes?

While you are waiting, check in with yourself – how are you feeling? What do you really need right now? What would truly feel nourishing – mentally, physically, emotionally?

If you find yourself comfort eating, slow down and really pay attention to your food – the taste, texture, colors. Put the fork down between bites, and aim to chew food at least 15-30 times. Bringing more mindfulness to eating helps us receive more pleasure, feel more satisfied, and feel fuller sooner.

And finally, I want you to know you are definitely not alone in this. So, so many people struggle with this. Instead of hiding in shame, let’s talk about it and support each other.

What’s your biggest trigger for stress eating?

What are some ideas you have to change this pattern?
Let me know in the comments, or join the Seeking Joyful Simplicity Facebook Group for more ideas and support for living with Vibrant Health.
~ Michelle

30 Personal Development Books for Women That Offer Practical, No-Nonsense Advice

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In the words of Dr. Seuss,

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go. 

No-Nonsense Personal Development Books for Women

Can we really change our lives just by reading a book? I believe so. Good books are like good conversations – you can gain insights into your own life by listening to the experiences of another. If you are a believer in life-long learning and personal development, you will enjoy this list of 30 personal development books for women that offer practical, no-nonsense advice.

From confidence and self-esteem, the mindset of money, health, relationships, and spirituality, there’s something for every woman on a journey of growth, self-discovery, and life-long learning.

Spirituality

 

The Alchemist ANNIVERSARY EDITION Edition by Paulo Coelho published by HarperCollins (2006), Pauolo Coelho.

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho continues to change the lives of its readers forever. With more than two million copies sold around the world, The Alchemist has established itself as a modern classic, universally admired.

Paulo Coelho’s masterpiece tells the magical story of Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd boy who yearns to travel in search of a worldly treasure as extravagant as any ever found.

The story of the treasures Santiago finds along the way teaches us, as only a few stories can, about the essential wisdom of listening to our hearts, learning to read the omens strewn along life’s path, and, above all, following our dreams.

 

Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl.

Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl’s memoir has riveted generations of readers with its descriptions of life in Nazi death camps and its lessons for spiritual survival. Between 1942 and 1945 Frankl labored in four different camps, including Auschwitz, while his parents, brother, and pregnant wife perished. Based on his own experience and the experiences of others he treated later in his practice, Frankl argues that we cannot avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it,

Confidence and Self-Esteem

 

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, Brene Brown

In her ten guideposts, Brown engages our minds, hearts, and spirits as she explores how we can cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, “No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough,” and to go to bed at night thinking, “Yes, I am sometimes afraid, but I am also brave. And, yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging.”

 

The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance—What Women Should Know, Katty Kay

Following the success of Lean In and Why Women Should Rule the World, the authors of the bestselling Womenomics provide an informative and practical guide to understanding the importance of confidence—and learning how to achieve it—for women of all ages and at all stages of their career.

 

Confident You: An Introvert’s Guide to Success in Life and Business, S.J. Scott and Rebecca Livermore

Introversion can be a good thing. Without introverts, society would be full of outgoing and social people but a lot fewer artists, analysts, scientists, doctors, writers, engineers, and designers. On the other hand, the world often celebrates and rewards extroverts, often leaving introverts out in the cold.

Instead of trying to make you an extrovert, the goal of “Confident You” is to help you capitalize on all the positive aspects of being an introvert, while helping you overcome the less positive aspects of introversion.

Happiness

The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking, Oliver Burkeman

Oliver Burkeman introduces us to an unusual group of people who share a single, surprising way of thinking about life. Whether experimental psychologists, terrorism experts, Buddhists, hardheaded business consultants, Greek philosophers, or modern-day gurus, they argue that in our personal lives, and in society at large, it’s our constant effort to be happy that is making us miserable. And that there is an alternative path to happiness and success that involves embracing failure, pessimism, insecurity, and uncertainty―the very things we spend our lives trying to avoid. Thought-provoking, counterintuitive, and ultimately uplifting, The Antidote is the intelligent person’s guide to understanding the much-misunderstood idea of happiness.

 

Finely Tuned: How To Thrive As A Highly Sensitive Person or Empath, Barrie Davenport

As a sensitive person, you may believe you’re weak and less resilient than others. This belief may have been reinforced all of your life, but nothing could be further from the truth. Highly sensitive people and empaths are gifted with unique skills making them more creative, intuitive, conscientious, and empathic.

 

The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World (Art of Happiness Book), Howard Cutler, MD and The Dalai Lama

Through conversations, stories, and meditations, the Dalai Lama shows us how to defeat day-to-day anxiety, insecurity, anger, and discouragement. Together with Dr. Howard Cutler, he explores many facets of everyday life, including relationships, loss, and the pursuit of wealth, to illustrate how to ride through life’s obstacles on a deep and abiding source of inner peace. Based on 2,500 years of Buddhist meditations mixed with a healthy dose of common sense, The Art of Happiness is a book that crosses the boundaries of traditions to help readers with difficulties common to all human beings.

Life Passion and Purpose

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose (Oprah’s Book Club, Selection 61), Eckhart Tolle

Tolle describes how our attachment to the ego creates the dysfunction that leads to anger, jealousy, and unhappiness, and shows readers how to awaken to a new state of consciousness and follow the path to a truly fulfilling existence.

Illuminating, enlightening, and uplifting, A New Earth is a profoundly spiritual manifesto for a better way of life—and for building a better world.

 

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, Sheryl Sandberg

Sandberg is chief operating officer of Facebook and coauthor of Option B with Adam Grant. In 2010, she gave an electrifying TED talk in which she described how women unintentionally hold themselves back in their careers.Written with humor and wisdom, Lean In is a revelatory, inspiring call to action and a blueprint for individual growth that will empower women around the world to achieve their full potential.

 

The Success Principles – 10th Anniversary Edition: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, Jack Canfield

The Success Principles will teach you how to increase your confidence, tackle daily challenges, live with passion and purpose, and realize all your ambitions.

 

A Year with Rumi: Daily Readings, Coleman Barks

The Sufi mystic Rumi offers insights into the divine within us and around us. Delightful.

Mindfulness and Habits

Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life, Jon Kabatt-Zinn

Dr. Kabat-Zinn has taught this two-thousand-year-old Buddhist method of relaxation to thousands of patients. Through mindfulness, one makes every moment count. By “capturing” the present and living fully within each moment, one can reduce anxiety, achieve inner peace, and enrich the quality of life.

 

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, Eckhart Tolle

A word of mouth phenomenon since its first publication, The Power of Now is one of those rare books with the power to create an experience in readers, one that can radically change their lives for the better.

 

Mini Habits: Smaller Habits, Bigger Results (Volume 1), Stephen Guise

You can succeed without the guilt, intimidation, and repeated failure associated with such strategies as “getting motivated,” New Year’s Resolutions, or even “just doing it.” In fact, you need to stop using those strategies if they aren’t giving you great results. They don’t work because they all require you to fight against your subconscious brain (a fight not easily won). It’s only when you start playing by your brain’s rules and taking your human limitations seriously–as mini habits show you how to do–that you can achieve lasting change.

 

The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8AM), Hal Elrod

What if you could wake up tomorrow and any—or EVERY—area of your life was beginning to transform? What would you change? The Miracle Morning is already transforming the lives of tens of thousands of people around the world by showing them how to wake up each day with more ENERGY, MOTIVATION, and FOCUS to take your life to the next level. It’s been right here in front of us all along, but this book has finally brought it to life.

 

Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brene Brown

Walking into our stories of hurt can feel dangerous. But the process of regaining our footing in the midst of struggle is where our courage is tested and our values are forged. Our stories of struggle can be big ones, like the loss of a job or the end of a relationship, or smaller ones, like a conflict with a friend or colleague. Regardless of magnitude or circumstance, the rising strong process is the same: We reckon with our emotions and get curious about what we’re feeling; we rumble with our stories until we get to a place of truth; and we live this process, every day, until it becomes a practice and creates nothing short of a revolution in our lives. Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness. It’s the process, Brown writes, that teaches us the most about who we are.

 

The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, Charles Duhigg

At its core, The Power of Habit contains an exhilarating argument: The key to exercising regularly, losing weight, being more productive, and achieving success is understanding how habits work. As Duhigg shows, by harnessing this new science, we can transform our businesses, our communities, and our lives.

Simple Living

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing, Marie Kondo.

With detailed guidance for determining which items in your house “spark joy” (and which don’t), this international bestseller featuring Tokyo’s newest lifestyle phenomenon will help you clear your clutter and enjoy the unique magic of a tidy home—and the calm, motivated mindset it can inspire.

 

Choosing Simplicity: Real People Finding Peace and Fulfillment in a Complex World, Linda B. Pierce

This ground breaking work goes beyond the books that tell you how to simplify your life. This book reveals what has happened in the lives of real people who have done it. Based on the author’s three-year study of over 200 people from 40 states and eight countries, Choosing Simplicity is a delightful and rich blend of real-life profiles and guidelines on simplicity. Interwoven throughout the stories are the author’s insights and lessons to guide those who want to explore simplicity and to sustain those who have already embarked on this journey.

 

The More of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own, Joshua Becker

Most of us know we own too much stuff. We feel the weight and burden of our clutter, and we tire of cleaning and managing and organizing.

While excess consumption leads to bigger houses, faster cars, fancier technology, and cluttered homes, it never brings happiness. Rather, it results in a desire for more. It redirects our greatest passions to things that can never fulfill. And it distracts us from the very life we wish we were living.

In The More of Less, Joshua Becker helps you…

• Recognize the life-giving benefits of owning less
• Realize how all the stuff you own is keeping you from pursuing your dreams
• Craft a personal, practical approach to decluttering your home and life
• Experience the joys of generosity
• Learn why the best part of minimalism isn’t a clean house, it’s a full life

The beauty of minimalism isn’t in what it takes away. It’s in what it gives.

Finances


Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence: Revised and Updated for the 21st Century Vicki Robin

In an age of great economic uncertainty when everyone is concerned about money and how they spend what they have, this updated edition of the bestselling Your Money or Your Life is an essential read. Millennial Money‘s Grant explains: “The premise of it is that you exchange your time for money. And when you start thinking about how many hours of your life it took to save up the money to buy something, you really start thinking twice about your purchases.”

In Your Money or Your Life, Vicki Robin shows readers how to gain control of their money and finally begin to make a life, rather than just make a living.

 

Sacred Success: A Course in Financial Miracles, Barbara Stanny

Barbara Stanny, the leading expert on women and money, has helped women take control of their finances for two decades—and she knows there is much more to success than how much you earn. In her work with powerful, successful women over the last 20 years, bestselling author and financial educator Stanny has found that most women’s problems with money have little to do with money itself, but rather with their fear of, or ambivalence toward, power. Instead of pushing women to pursue financial success in the traditional fashion, Sacred Success seeks to redefine power from a feminine perspective.

More than a financial guide, Sacred Success is a primer on power for women—a tutorial for taking charge of your life by taking charge of your finances, and not only growing your money but creating a deeper, richer, and more meaningful life. Best described as “A Course in Miraclesmeets the Wall Street Journal,” Sacred Success gives you a proven process that uniquely blends the practical, psychological, and spiritual work of wealth.

 

All Your Worth: The Ultimate Lifetime Money Plan by Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi

You work hard and try to save money, so why is there never enough to cover all the bills, to put some away in your child’s college fund, to pay off your credit card debt—or to relax and have some fun, for once? In the New York Times bestseller All Your Worth, mother/daughter team Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi—authors of the acclaimed The Two-Income Trap—tell you the truth about money. The authors lay out a groundbreaking approach to getting control of your money so you can finally start building the life you’ve always wanted. The result of more than twenty years of intensive research, All Your Worth offers you a step-by-step plan that will let you master your finances—for the rest of your life.

The secret? It’s simple, really: get your money in balance. Warren and Tyagi show you how to balance your money into three essential parts: the Must-Haves (the bills you have to pay every month), the Wants (some fun money for right now), and your Savings (to build a better tomorrow). No complicated budgets, no keeping track of every penny. Warren and Tyagi will show you a whole new way of looking at money—and yourself—that will help you get your finances on track so you can enjoy peace of mind for the rest of your life.

 

Worth It: Your Life, Your Money, Your Terms, Amanda Steinberg

Worth It outlines the essential financial information women need—and everything the institutions and advisors don’t spell out. Steinberg gets to the bottom of why women are stressed and anxious when it comes to their finances and teaches them to stay away from strict budgeting and other harsh austerity practices. Instead, she makes money relatable, while sharing strategies she uses herself to build confidence and ease in her own financial life. Through her first-hand experiences and the stories from other women who’ve woken up, Steinberg’s powerful and encouraging advice can help women of any age and income view money as a source of freedom and independence—and create bright financial futures.

 

Health

The Adrenal Thyroid Revolution: A Proven 4-Week Program to Rescue Your Metabolism, Hormones, Mind & Mood, Aviva Romm, M.D.

Weight gain, fatigue, brain fog, hormonal imbalances, and autoimmune conditions—for years, health practitioners have commonly viewed each as individual health problems resulting from a patient’s genetic bad luck, poor lifestyle choices, or lack of willpower. Patients, too, have turned to different doctors to alleviate their specific symptoms: an endocrinologist for a thyroid problem; a gynecologist for hormonal issues; an internist for weight, diabetes, and high blood pressure; a rheumatologist for joint problems, and even to therapists or psychologists.

While these ailments may seem unrelated, Dr. Aviva Romm contends that they are intrinsically connected by what she calls Survival Overdrive Syndrome, a condition that occurs when the body becomes overloaded.

The Adrenal Thyroid Revolution explains SOS, how it impacts our bodies and can lead to illness, and most importantly, offers a drug-free cure developed through Dr. Romm’s research and clinical work with tens of thousands of patients. In as little as two weeks, you can lose excess weight, discover increased energy, improve sleep, and feel better. With The Adrenal Thyroid Revolution, you can rescue your metabolism, hormones, mind and mood—and achieve long-lasting health.

 


You Can Heal Your Life, Louise Hay

Excerpt from You Can Heal Your Life:

Life Is Really Very Simple. What We Give Out, We Get Back

What we think about ourselves becomes the truth for us. I believe that everyone, myself included, is responsible for everything in our lives, the best and the worst. Every thought we think is creating our future. Each one of us creates our experiences by our thoughts and our feelings. 

 

Hashimoto’s Protocol: A 90-Day Plan for Reversing Thyroid Symptoms and Getting Your Life Back, Izabella Wentz, PharmD

Diagnosed with Hashimoto’s at twenty-seven, pharmacist Dr. Izabella Wentz knows first-hand the effects of the disease, as well as the value—and limitations—of medication. The key to improved health, she argues, involves lifestyle interventions. In Hashimoto’s Protocol, she outlines a proven treatment that has helped thousands heal and many others feel better—in as fast as ninety days.

Grounded in the latest science, Hashimoto’s Protocol is the first book to offer a proven protocol by an acknowledged expert in the field to treat this condition and help sufferers reclaim their lives.

 

Relationships


Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He’ll Change, Robin Norwood

Inspiring, practical program for women who believe that being in love means being in pain. Presents a clear, comprehensive, 10-point recovery plan for women who are addicted to the wrong men for the wrong reasons.

 

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, Gary Chapman

Dr. Gary Chapman’s approach to showing and receiving love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner—starting today.

The 5 Love Languages is as practical as it is insightful. Updated to reflect the complexities of relationships today, this new edition reveals intrinsic truths and applies relevant, actionable wisdom in ways that work.

 

What are your favorites? Leave a comment and let me know what I missed!

~ Michelle

Pin it for later ~

Can we really change our lives just by reading a book? I believe so. Good books are like good conversations - you can gain insights into your own life by listening to the experiences of another. If you are a believer in life-long learning and personal development, you may enjoy this list of 30 personal development books for women that offer practical, no-nonsense advice. From confidence and self-esteem, the mindset of money, health, relationships, and spirituality, there's something for every woman on a journey of growth, self-discovery, and life-long learning.

 

 

 

The Introvert’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays

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“Quiet people have the loudest minds.” Stephen Hawking
“Don’t underestimate me because I’m quiet. I know more than I say, think more than I speak and observe more than you know.” ~ Michaela Chung

The busy holiday season is on the way, are you ready? The annual holiday rush can be a joyful time, but it can also be exhausting, especially if you are already feeling worn out and drained. And if you are an introvert, the holiday season can easily leave you feeling over-stimulated and well, frazzled. This year I encourage you to create your introvert holiday survival plan.

Introverts are often misunderstood – seeming aloof, stuck up, disconnected, or just plain selfish, we often make sacrifices to appease the extroverted masses. Our inclinations to protect our alone time and to avoid situations we  find overstimulating can leave us feeling torn between what we feel we “should” be doing, and what is best for our physical, emotional, and intellectual health.

Being an introvert during the holidays can lead to exhaustion and resentment.

The busy holiday season is on the way, are you ready? The annual holiday rush can be a joyful time, but it can also be exhausting, especially if you are already feeling worn out and drained. And if you are an introvert, the holiday season can easily leave you feeling over-stimulated and well, frazzled. This year I encourage you to create your introvert holiday survival plan.

Introvert Holiday Survival Plan

So what’s an introvert to do? I challenge you to create your own Introvert Holiday Survival Plan. Here are a few ideas:

  • First – realize there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Just because other people are energized by the holidays and family gatherings and you tend to dread them, doesn’t make you a bad person.
  • Pace yourself – just because the extroverts enjoy spending every minute with family and friends, doesn’t mean you have to. Choose your activities wisely – don’t be afraid to say “no” or have an early exit plan to avoid overwhelm.
  • Try to create more down time in your regular routine – let some non-essentials go so you can focus on recharging and having the alone time you need.
  • Make an effort to get enough sleep. We are less likely to feel overwhelmed and irritable if we are well rested. Herbs are a great way to get better sleep, and you can enjoy a simple herbal tea as part of your bedtime routine. These are my favorite  5 Herbs for Better Sleep
  • Include time for your favorite activities – reading, writing, quiet walks in nature, or tucked into the couch for a Netflix binge.
  • Practice simple deep breathing to re-center yourself. Bringing awareness to your breath can lessen the stress response and lower cortisol levels.
  • Enjoy some herbal teas to help you unwind your mind and body – 4 Herbal Remedies for Stress

The busy holiday season is on the way, are you ready? The annual holiday rush can be a joyful time, but it can also be exhausting, especially if you are already feeling worn out and drained. And if you are an introvert, the holiday season can easily leave you feeling over-stimulated and well, frazzled. This year I encourage you to create your introvert holiday survival plan.

Remember that by taking care of yourself, you are better able to care for others. For introverts, this may mean limiting our time at a family event, or skipping it. Instead we may choose to see individual family members separately.

For me, family time at my in-laws, although pleasant, is quickly overstimulating and exhausting. After only a short time, I start craving an escape. It’s not because I don’t enjoy the company of my in-laws, they are an easy-going and fun bunch, but being in large groups simply wears me out.

Skipping these events, or leaving early can easily be misunderstood by the family – they may think I don’t care to spend time with them.

I would rather make plans for smaller get-togethers with family, and in this way, we typically enjoy deeper and more substantial conversations. In our own way, we are strengthening our family bonds.

Being aware of our needs as an introvert, and having a plan to balance those needs with meeting the expectations of family and friends can help us navigate our way through the holiday season with less stress.

What’s your introvert survival plan for the holidays?

Leave a comment and let us know!

~ Michelle

 

The Most Important Thing – Having the Courage to Live with Authenticity

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Living with Authenticity Requires a Great Deal of Courage

“The ego must hide all that we believe is unacceptable about ourselves. To accomplish this task, it constructs a mask to prove to others that we are not as defective, inferior, worthless, and bad as we might fear we are. None of us likes to admit that we have these flaws and insecurities, so to hide them, we create a persona at a very young age. We start to wrap ourselves up in a new package that we believe will bring us the love, attention, and acceptance that we hunger for. We create personas so that we can belong.” ~ Debbie Ford

Accepting ourselves, dropping our masks, feeling free to be who we really are…requires a great deal of courage. Self-acceptance involves an awareness of our strengths and weaknesses, and the ability to forgive ourselves for past choices and mistakes.

Self-acceptance involves an awareness of our strengths and weaknesses, and the ability to forgive ourselves for past choices and mistakes. Living with authenticity requires courage.

 

Searching for Self-Acceptance and Living with Authenticity

 *This is (an edited) part of a letter written to a friend. I thought you might need to hear it too.​

I am going to tell you something and I hope you are ready to hear it…

You are afraid. Afraid to live an inauthentic life, but also afraid to show your true self. You are terrified that if a person discovers the real you, they will reject you. You fear you are deeply flawed, and no one can truly love the “real you”.

I understand this, because I feel it too.

And so you wear your many masks. And it makes you tired.
You are tired of so many things…

Tired of not complaining too much.
Tired of smiling politely and nodding your head.
Tired of being a good listener, and ignoring what you want to say.
Tired of striving.
Tired of being strong.
Tired of stretching yourself so thin that any little thing might cause you to break.
Tired of not saying how you really feel because you don’t want to upset, hurt, disappoint, anger, annoy, or inconvenience others (and to avoid the conflict, because sometimes it’s all just too exhausting.)

Accepting Ourselves (Imperfect as We Are)

With so many masks to wear and roles to play, sometimes you forget who you really are. (Especially as mothers and care-givers, we do forget who we are.)

So, take some time and ask yourself, really ask yourself –

Who am I? 

Who are you, really? What is your purpose? (Look to your strengths, they will guide you.)
What excites you, what makes you feel alive and real and connected to something bigger than yourself?

Surround yourself with the right people.

For too long you have believed the lies – others telling you that you are weak, broken, stupid, and ugly. You are none of these things.

Keep learning, stretching, and striving.

Feel the fear, and be yourself anyway. Because you are a beautiful person. You don’t need fixing or changing. You are beautifully flawed, just as you are. I’ve seen you shine.

You will find your way again my friend. You will discover answers. You will feel joy, excitement, connection, and meaning again. I know you will. Don’t give up on yourself.

You are beautiful, strong, loving, courageous, and a joy to be around.

With deep affection,
~ Michelle

 

The Most Important Thing


We all want to feel accepted as we are.
We all want to feel seen, and to know that we matter.

The most important thing you can do for someone you care about is to show up and allow them be real – and to know that they have been seen and heard by you.

Come visit me at Facebook: Facebook Seeking Joyful Simplicity

Or on Instagram: Seeking Joyful Simplicity

You might also like:

Letter to Myself – Stop Putting Off Happiness

Changing Our Relationship With Food – 5 Strategies to Change the Way You Think About Food (And Stop Dieting)

 

A Few Thoughts on Grief

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Grief and grieving, healing from loss

It’s been 14 years since the abrupt loss of my mother. Here are a few thoughts on the deeply personal process of grieving.

Thinking about mom. How I started out for my run that morning but felt compelled instead to check in on her. Finding her still in bed, a bleeding cut on her forehead. Her skin bright orange from the jaundice. She was so weak. Afraid, but still stoic. Taking her to the emergency department. The crash cart outside her room. The day in the ED. Not really knowing exactly what was going on, but knowing it was serious.

As they prepared her for transport to Norfolk General I said, “I’ll see you later mom.”

Those were the last words I ever spoke to her.

Seeing her on life support. Thinking, “Man, she would be pissed if she knew this was happening to her.” Mom was fiercely independent, and the idea of being dependent on anyone, ever, terrified her.

The hum of the machines pumping oxygen into her lungs. The dialysis technicians chatting as they worked around her. I wanted a moment alone with my mom, but they wouldn’t stop talking. They seemed oblivious to my sorrow.

Leaving with my sister Melody to take a break for lunch. Coming back and being told she passed as soon as we left. “It’s common, it happens a lot,” the ICU nurse told us. “It’s like they wait for the family to leave before passing on.”

It’s strange the random thoughts that pass through your mind when confronted with sudden death. Feeling so detached, and then a sense of guilt. “Shouldn’t I be crying, weeping, overcome with grief?” Of course in the moment, you manage as best you can.

In the following weeks and months, I had real difficulty with expressing my grief. Each time it took hold of me, it felt so overwhelming I thought I would drown in it. So, I would try to let it out, a little at a time, but always quickly squashed it back down.

Part of this was practical reasons, after all I had young children to care for. Between work and family, I didn’t feel I had space for my grief. I had to “keep my shit together.”

And so I went on with life as usual. My coworkers noted how little affected I appeared to be (knowing intuitively that I was suffering.) And of course, my husband found my grief to be an inconvenience. (This would turn out to be the beginning of the end for our marriage.)

All these years later and I still haven’t properly grieved for my mother. I suppose I don’t really know how. It’s uncomfortable. There are other emotions I would much rather experience. Things I would prefer to focus on. But I know it’s not healthy. I need to honor my mother’s memory, respect my grief and the mashed up mix of emotions I have for my mom – love, respect, admiration, disappointment, anger, sadness, loss, confusion…

“I think I will take some time and do that now,” I think to myself. As if grief is something you schedule time for. Turn it on, then turn it off. Is this right? It is my brain trying to control something that is by nature uncontrollable. It’s like trying to control water or air – it always finds ways to escape and go where it wants to go. Sometimes in trickles or puffs, sometimes in torrents and windstorms.