Being Grounded

Feeling overwhelmed and off-balance, trying to manage when life feels chaotic and out of control can leave us feeling frazzled, anxious, and struggling. Sometimes we react to life circumstances from a place of groundedness, feeling capable and calm, despite the chaos. Other times we feel like a leaf in the wind, being blown about, our emotions at the mercy of the events around us.

“Dig deep & pull the roots of confidence from the ground of your being, standing firm in the raging storm until sunlight blossoms inside you.” 
― Curtis Tyrone Jones

Being grounded in life allows us to feel focused, centered, and present in the moment. And even though we can’t always control the events happening around us, we can choose how we respond.

Being Grounded in Life:

• You feel focused, centered, and present
• You have the deep inner feeling of being good enough
• You feel secure and solid in who you are
• You know you will be fine no matter what happens
• You feel a sense of purpose
• You have a sense of clarity and are able to choose your response to the events happening in your life
• You are able to feel and express your emotions without them spiraling out of your control
• You trust yourself
• Being grounded is about understanding the kind of person you want to be and making decisions that support your best self

So how do we practice the art of groundedness when the challenges of life come hurtling at us?

Use these 10 strategies when you feel stressed, overwhelmed, worried, tense, or uncertain.

1. Breath focus – coming into your body is the fastest and most effective way to reground yourself. The easiest way to do this is to practice focusing on your breath. Try this method – inhale slowly to the count of four, pause, then exhale slowly to the count of five. Repeat four times and feel your body and thoughts slow.
2. Experience with all your senses. This is another way to come back to the body. Take a moment to pause and experience the moment with all your senses. Notice the sounds, sights, physical sensations, and scents around you.
3. Progressive muscle relaxation. This is an excellent way to come into the body as well as notice the areas holding tension. By first noticing, then releasing, you can relax and let go of both the physical and mental tension. CLICK HERE for a downloadable PDF with simple instructions.
4. Remember 5 positive experiences in the past week. We can instantly change our thought patterns and body tension from worry and tension by focusing on the positive. I have used this technique with my coaching clients and repeatedly seen results. Think back over the past few days and come up with five positive experiences – it could be as small as the friendly cashier at the grocery store to something more significant like a supportive phone call from a friend. The point is to focus on five positive experiences to help break the tension/worry/negativity pattern.
5. Gratitude. Take a few minutes and write down or say aloud 10 things you are grateful for
6. Ask Questions. If you are struggling with worry – ask yourself, “What event on the horizon is making me anxious? Why is this making me anxious and what’s the worst that could happen?” And then follow up with, “What’s the best that could happen?”
7. Shake things up with Movement. Movement is a powerful way to instantly change our physical and mental pattern. It can be something formal like a few yoga poses, taking a walk, or as simple and silly as jumping jacks or dancing to a favorite song.
8. Unplug. Even if you can’t completely unplug, take a break free from all social media and news. Set a time limit for yourself – a specific time during the day, or better yet, set aside an entire day or several days. Notice how you feel.
9. Spend time in nature. See if you can walk barefoot in the grass. Use all your senses – listen for the sound of insects, the feel of the breeze on your skin, can you smell the fresh cut grass, what do you see?
10. Visualization and grounding. Try this technique – Either from a standing or seated position, press your feet firmly into the floor. Visualize the tension and worry draining from your body, pouring into the ground. What color is it? See and feel it moving down your body from head to toe. As the negative energy drains, notice the feeling of lightness that takes over.

Okay, so my challenge for you is this – choose one or two strategies to practice feeling grounded. Practice it daily (set a reminder for yourself!) If you practice now, it will be easier when life throws challenges at you.
What strategies will you use, or do you have your own? Leave a comment and let us know!

Wishing you peace and comfort,
~ Michelle

More on Living With Intention from Seeking Joyful Simplicity

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The Most Important Thing – Having the Courage to Live with Authenticity

It’s been 14 years since the abrupt loss of my mother. Here are a few thoughts on the deeply personal process of grieving.

Thinking about mom. How I started out for my run that morning but felt compelled instead to check in on her. Finding her still in bed, a bleeding cut on her forehead. Her skin bright orange from the jaundice. She was so weak. Afraid, but still stoic. Taking her to the emergency department. The crash cart outside her room. The day in the ED. Not really knowing exactly what was going on, but knowing it was serious.

As they prepared her for transport to Norfolk General I said, “I’ll see you later mom.”

Those were the last words I ever spoke to her.

Seeing her on life support. Thinking, “Man, she would be pissed if she knew this was happening to her.” Mom was fiercely independent, and the idea of being dependent on anyone, ever, terrified her.

The hum of the machines pumping oxygen into her lungs. The dialysis technicians chatting as they worked around her. I wanted a moment alone with my mom, but they wouldn’t stop talking. They seemed oblivious to my sorrow.

Leaving with my sister Melody to take a break for lunch. Coming back and being told she passed as soon as we left. “It’s common, it happens a lot,” the ICU nurse told us. “It’s like they wait for the family to leave before passing on.”

It’s strange the random thoughts that pass through your mind when confronted with sudden death. Feeling so detached, and then a sense of guilt. “Shouldn’t I be crying, weeping, overcome with grief?” Of course in the moment, you manage as best you can.

In the following weeks and months, I had real difficulty with expressing my grief. Each time it took hold of me, it felt so overwhelming I thought I would drown in it. So, I would try to let it out, a little at a time, but always quickly squashed it back down.

Part of this was practical reasons, after all I had young children to care for. Between work and family, I didn’t feel I had space for my grief. I had to “keep my shit together.”

And so I went on with life as usual. My coworkers noted how little affected I appeared to be (knowing intuitively that I was suffering.) And of course, my husband found my grief to be an inconvenience. (This would turn out to be the beginning of the end for our marriage.)

All these years later and I still haven’t properly grieved for my mother. I suppose I don’t really know how. It’s uncomfortable. There are other emotions I would much rather experience. Things I would prefer to focus on. But I know it’s not healthy. I need to honor my mother’s memory, respect my grief and the mashed up mix of emotions I have for my mom – love, respect, admiration, disappointment, anger, sadness, loss, confusion…

“I think I will take some time and do that now,” I think to myself. As if grief is something you schedule time for. Turn it on, then turn it off. Is this right? It is my brain trying to control something that is by nature uncontrollable. It’s like trying to control water or air – it always finds ways to escape and go where it wants to go. Sometimes in trickles or puffs, sometimes in torrents and windstorms.

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
~ Havelock Ellis

 

 

Walking the gardens, I notice the changing beauty. The flowers have shed their colors, the red berries are in full bloom, and the plants are releasing their seeds. It seems there could be a message for us here.

Last year I learned to see autumn in a new way. The world circles the sun, but our lives are never the same as we spiral in and out of the seasons. I am learning to pay attention to the changes within as well as the external.

 

 

Despite the death and decline abundant in the garden, I am surprised at the amount of beauty, why had I never noticed these passing flowers before? In the process of dying, they transform and release, carrying seeds forward for the next generation. Feeling a general sense of unease within myself, the plants remind me perhaps I too have things to let go.

 

 

Our ancestors knew to acknowledge the transitions between the seasons, but their celebrations were spiritual, not commercial like ours. We mark our calendars with our designated holidays, some historical – Columbus day and Veteran’s day, some religious – Christmas and Hanukkah, but these have been overshadowed by commercialization.

The decreasing hours of daylight causes physiological changes within our bodies which we attempt to overcome. Modern life doesn’t allow for us to slow down, and so we resist the signals our bodies send and muscle our way through the “holiday season” hectic and demanding based on unrealistic expectations set for us by the media and advertisers.

Let’s readjust our expectations, shall we?

Perhaps we can find small ways to slow down and acknowledge the signals nature and our bodies are sending us. Can we find a way to take time for deeper contemplation? What significance does this season carry for us personally?

Are there things we can let go of? Unresolved anger, unexpressed grief, unacknowledged fears?

Learning to Let Go

Sometimes we hold onto our problems because they have become a part of our sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us. I do believe it is possible to learn to let go of past anger, shame, fear, and pain. In doing so, we release the hold our past has on us so we can live better in the present and create a more positive future.

Last fall, I talked about the tradition of allowing time to grieve during the season of autumn.

I don’t believe there is ever truly an end to grief, it becomes a part of us as we experience the loss of those we love. But if we don’t fully acknowledge our feelings, they can cause health problems. We cannot separate our health from our emotions. Each feeling is expressed in our bodies as a chemical-electrical response. Our bodies know our feelings, even when we refuse to.

Moving through the days of autumn, feeling the internal change with the season, I am reminding myself what truly matters. I am learning to let go, accept things as they are, and making time for those I love.

With love and affection,

Michelle

*Thank you Chris, for sharing the beauty with me.