The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself – Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
I am constantly working on this relationship I have with myself. For the longest time I suffered from low self-esteem, always thinking there was something wrong, something flawed with me. Being a strong introvert probably didn’t help either, since I rarely felt comfortable in large social situations and always felt like a social misfit. (Although today I would say I am a happy social misfit.)
I remember in college, being at a large party, and feeling acutely uncomfortable. “What is wrong with me?” I thought. “Everyone is having a great time, why can’t I?”
It wasn’t until just a few years ago that I realized no matter how hard I try to make myself more outgoing, it will never be who I am. I am learning to accept who I am, as I am. Sometimes this is difficult, especially when it means exerting myself, setting boundaries, and being OK with not pleasing everyone.
Now I am in a new place, feeling a sense of control over my life and feeling like we are taking concrete steps to live more closely with our values. Our circumstances have changed. But I am still me.
I guess it is inevitable that during this relatively calm and happy time in my life I will be forced to confront myself. That old saying “No matter where you go, there you are,” keeps coming to mind. I have had more time and space for reflection. Some insights into myself are making me consider how I view my life and my approach to situations.
Being very future-oriented, I find I continually struggle to stay present and mindful. This is particularly frustrating since the future I have longed for is here. Now. Today.
And so I am struggling to overcome my tendency to be so very goal and task-oriented. Although this can be a strength at times, it can lead to a dull life without some balance.
Here I am, surrounded by natural beauty, and yet because of my tendency to be focused on goals and tasks, I find it difficult to simply allow myself time to just be. Like being present with family. Having fun. Being spontaneous.
Living with a four-year old is a great opportunity for learning to slow down and be joyfully present. Right in front of me I have this wonderful teacher. She lives almost entirely in the moment. She finds joy in the simplest of activities. She expresses her joy and love freely. Everything is still new to her, and she lives with a curiosity, spontaneity, and joy that I envy.
While I can’t always live on “four-year-old time”, I can certainly bring more of it into my life. And I truly believe the lessons she brings me today are just the ones I need most at this moment.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” ― Henry David Thoreau
Hoping you are joyfully present in your moments.
~ Michelle
grands – son born July 2007 – daughter born July 2011. A book I think of (a favorite of mine) “The Highly Sensitive Person” — also books by Magda Gerber (on EduCarer — grandparent or parents — wait; observe; enjoy) — I can see that you are — where you are, be there …
thank – you!
…I hadn’t thought of what the future brings, and the lessons I might receive from grandchildren…
Again, thank you for a beautiful post! Like you, I’m an introvert. Also like you, I’m a happy one. Your musings here are familiar. Kudos for your self-reflection and -awareness.
The photos are awesome! I especially like the one of standing in the water with sandals and socks- gloriously unconcerned while totally focused on something really interesting. I have to applaud your not fetching the child out of the water, which would be forsaking the joy and the flow of the moment for the sake of a pair of socks. Nice!
It’s always good to meet another happy introvert! Thank you for reading, and for your thoughtful comments.
I can definitely relate to your thoughts here. I struggle to keep myself in the present, although I’m much better able to do that now that we’ve adopted this lifestyle. Before we made the move my wife once said to me, “You are always living in the past or the future, never the present.” She was right.
I’m an introvert too. My professional life required me to be constantly interacting with other people (often arguing). That life was contrary to my nature. Now most of my days are spent alone working on the farm. I rarely talk on a telephone (in the past it was practically glued to my ear). As long as don’t let my mind drift off into the future I’m at peace now. You might say I’m seeking joyful simplicity.
Thanks for sharing the great quote from Thoreau (yesterday was the anniversary of his death) and for this thought-provoking post.
I am always thrilled to hear about others who find their way to living the best life for themselves (instead of by society’s standards). It sounds like you are living right Bill.
Thank you for visiting.
I’ve been on a similar journey for a few years, and the good news is that it really does get easier. I feel like it’s a spiritual practice of sorts, and it does require conscious effort to live more mindfully. But I find that it’s becoming second nature to me, rather than something I have to work so hard to achieve.
The best to you.
That’s reassuring to me, knowing that it may become a “habit”.
Thank you.
this one really resonated with me tonight. thanks for your transparency and honestly. DM
thank you
M