The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself – Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
I am constantly working on this relationship I have with myself. For the longest time I suffered from low self-esteem, always thinking there was something wrong, something flawed with me. Being a strong introvert probably didn’t help either, since I rarely felt comfortable in large social situations and always felt like a social misfit. (Although today I would say I am a happy social misfit.)
I remember in college, being at a large party, and feeling acutely uncomfortable. “What is wrong with me?” I thought. “Everyone is having a great time, why can’t I?”
It wasn’t until just a few years ago that I realized no matter how hard I try to make myself more outgoing, it will never be who I am. I am learning to accept who I am, as I am. Sometimes this is difficult, especially when it means exerting myself, setting boundaries, and being OK with not pleasing everyone.
Now I am in a new place, feeling a sense of control over my life and feeling like we are taking concrete steps to live more closely with our values. Our circumstances have changed. But I am still me.
I guess it is inevitable that during this relatively calm and happy time in my life I will be forced to confront myself. That old saying “No matter where you go, there you are,” keeps coming to mind. I have had more time and space for reflection. Some insights into myself are making me consider how I view my life and my approach to situations.
Being very future-oriented, I find I continually struggle to stay present and mindful. This is particularly frustrating since the future I have longed for is here. Now. Today.
And so I am struggling to overcome my tendency to be so very goal and task-oriented. Although this can be a strength at times, it can lead to a dull life without some balance.
Here I am, surrounded by natural beauty, and yet because of my tendency to be focused on goals and tasks, I find it difficult to simply allow myself time to just be. Like being present with family. Having fun. Being spontaneous.
Living with a four-year old is a great opportunity for learning to slow down and be joyfully present. Right in front of me I have this wonderful teacher. She lives almost entirely in the moment. She finds joy in the simplest of activities. She expresses her joy and love freely. Everything is still new to her, and she lives with a curiosity, spontaneity, and joy that I envy.
While I can’t always live on “four-year-old time”, I can certainly bring more of it into my life. And I truly believe the lessons she brings me today are just the ones I need most at this moment.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” ― Henry David Thoreau
Hoping you are joyfully present in your moments.