Your best life after 40 - living with purpose and vibrant health. Empowering you with a holistic approach: nourishing foods, herbal remedies, and self-care to reduce overwhelm, manage your weight, and enjoy vibrant health in your 40's, 50's, and beyond.
Autumn is here to remind us nothing lasts forever. We can hold on as tight as we can, but life goes on, the world turns, and everything changes. Have you seen it, the beauty hidden in the light? Have you felt it, the cozy feeling of home?
My sorrow, when she’s here with me, thinks these dark days of autumn rain are beautiful as days can be; she loves the bare, the withered tree; she walks the sodden pasture lane.
~ Robert Frost
Michelle
The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself – Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
I am constantly working on this relationship I have with myself. For the longest time I suffered from low self-esteem, always thinking there was something wrong, something flawed with me. Being a strong introvert probably didn’t help either, since I rarely felt comfortable in large social situations and always felt like a social misfit. (Although today I would say I am a happy social misfit.)
I remember in college, being at a large party, and feeling acutely uncomfortable. “What is wrong with me?” I thought. “Everyone is having a great time, why can’t I?”
It wasn’t until just a few years ago that I realized no matter how hard I try to make myself more outgoing, it will never be who I am. I am learning to accept who I am, as I am. Sometimes this is difficult, especially when it means exerting myself, setting boundaries, and being OK with not pleasing everyone.
Now I am in a new place, feeling a sense of control over my life and feeling like we are taking concrete steps to live more closely with our values. Our circumstances have changed. But I am still me.
I guess it is inevitable that during this relatively calm and happy time in my life I will be forced to confront myself. That old saying “No matter where you go, there you are,” keeps coming to mind. I have had more time and space for reflection. Some insights into myself are making me consider how I view my life and my approach to situations.
Being very future-oriented, I find I continually struggle to stay present and mindful. This is particularly frustrating since the future I have longed for is here. Now. Today.
And so I am struggling to overcome my tendency to be so very goal and task-oriented. Although this can be a strength at times, it can lead to a dull life without some balance.
Here I am, surrounded by natural beauty, and yet because of my tendency to be focused on goals and tasks, I find it difficult to simply allow myself time to just be. Like being present with family. Having fun. Being spontaneous.
Living with a four-year old is a great opportunity for learning to slow down and be joyfully present. Right in front of me I have this wonderful teacher. She lives almost entirely in the moment. She finds joy in the simplest of activities. She expresses her joy and love freely. Everything is still new to her, and she lives with a curiosity, spontaneity, and joy that I envy.
While I can’t always live on “four-year-old time”, I can certainly bring more of it into my life. And I truly believe the lessons she brings me today are just the ones I need most at this moment.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” ― Henry David Thoreau
Hoping you are joyfully present in your moments.
~ Michelle
Being fully present in moments of silence, we can experience deep connections – with ourselves, with nature, with God, and with other human beings. This mindfulness and connection feels so rare these days….
So often I find myself in the habit of moving mindlessly from one activity to another. Our lives are bombarded with messages and images from news, advertising, and social media.
But where is our time for processing experiences? For taking the messages and images and translating them with deep thought and emotions? Is this how we become as a culture numb and immune to the suffering of others? Or succumb to a sense of overwhelm?
I recently had a very deep and meaningful experience that I will not even attempt to translate into words here for fear of failing miserably and destroying the beauty of it. But it was as though I had the opportunity to step outside of the dizzying pace of our modern life and to feel a profound sense of peace and connection.
As I take time today to digest this experience, I realize how it only became possible through the mindfulness and presence of my mentor and teacher Kathleen. She has an amazing ability to create and hold sacred spaces.
I am not speaking of physical spaces, but of emotional ones. This experience was with a group, and the level of intimacy, trust, and comfort we shared together was unlike anything I have ever experienced within a group outside of my family. I felt and experienced true unconditional love in a community. And it gave me hope.
“When we see the Beloved in each person, it’s like walking through a garden, watching flowers bloom all around us.” — Ram Dass
We spend our lives feeling so separate from one another. Believing that we are alone. In rare moments we feel our connection, but then the feeling passes and we believe it to be an illusion.
It is no illusion. But unless we remain mindful and present, the tenuousness of our attached souls evades us.
I have to admit, during the weekend, there were times when I felt myself impatient to move on to the next moment, to the next experience. I recognize now that I was resisting. Resisting the present moment. Which is both sad and disturbing. How can we rush through moments of beauty and joy? Hurtling through life how often do we lose the opportunities to experience the very reason for living?
I am alone today. For the first time in a very, very long while I have a chance to experience a stretch of quiet uninterrupted alone time. I could be doing so many things that need doing. Or I could be avoiding these activities with the mindless distraction of the news, a movie, or searching the internet. But I find these mindless activities leave me feeling the same as I do after over-indulging in junk food – dissatisfied, a little sick feeling, and still hungry for nourishment.
Instead I have chosen to spend my time thinking, writing, and creating. These activities always, always leave me feeling nourished and rested. And while I go about my day in solitude, I will be digesting the wonderful experience of my weekend. And pondering on how I can hold onto the sense of connection.
“We’re fascinated by the words–but where we meet is in the silence behind them.” — Ram Dass
Do you ever feel alone and disconnected from others, from yourself, from life?
Do you feel bombarded by information and and obligations?
How can you step back and feel grounded again?
~ Michelle
Sometimes I feel like I am on a treadmill and running through my life. Going to work all day, then coming home to take care of the cooking, cleaning, paying bills, doing laundry, and tending to my family’s needs. And worse, despite working really hard, I rarely enjoy any sense of accomplishment – in all the rushing around, I am barely able to keep my head above water. I end up feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and run-down, and find myself wondering, how can I find a way to slow down and live joyfully?
Why I am sharing this with you? Because I suspect many of us feel this way sometimes (or all the time!). There has to be more to life than living for the weekends and vacations. How can we slow down and enjoy more peace and joy in our everyday lives?
There are a lot of reasons for us to learn to slow down, relax, and live with more peace and joy. When we are centered, calm, and joyful, we have so much more to offer our families, friends, and communities. We are open to discovering our inner strengths, and are able to improve our relationships with ourselves and those we love.
When our lives are frantic and stressful, our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health is compromised. The physical response and the long-term effects are devastating. Research links chronic stress to:
Of course, we can’t just drop all our responsibilities, but we can do a few things to make our life a little less crazy. I have fives simple strategies to suggest as a gentle reminder to slow down and live joyfully. Of course, you will find your own way, and take what works for you and ignore the rest.
How much of our time and energy is spent on fretting over the past or worrying over the future? How can we take pleasure in the daily tasks of living if we are focused on rushing ahead to the next thing?
Slowing down and paying attention to the present moment is a powerful way to bring more peace into our lives. Whatever the task at hand, pay close attention, using all your senses. Perhaps you are washing the dishes. Pay attention to the sensation of the warm water, soapy sponge, and the sounds of dishes clattering as you move through the process. Don’t rush, or become distracted, but focus and breathe. You might find a new sense of calm and ease. Try to hold onto this as you move through your day.
Are you trying to do it all? When I stopped to evaluate everything I was attempting to do (and put it all in writing), I realized how crazy my expectations were. There are only 24 hours in a day, or 168 hours in a week. Take away the time spent at a job with commuting, then subtract about 7 hours a night for sleep and that only leaves about 69 hours a week for everything else.
When I realized how limited my “free time” was, I knew I had to adjust my expectations. Which leads me to strategy three.
As we all know, there are obligations and responsibilities we cannot abandon (well, we probably could, but not as responsible adults.) But at least some of the stress and madness in our lives can be adjusted if we stop to consider our choices.
There are many things that are really important to me, and probably to you too. But the most important to me are family and health – both physical, emotional, and spiritual.
Changing my expectations and realizing the preciousness of my free time helps me to decide my priorities. Deciding what matters most helps me to let go of many of the smaller things that were sucking up my time and energy, and causing unnecessary stress.
I was able to let go of some things without the guilt because I knew I was saving my time and energy for what really matters most in my life. We can let go of the negative belief that we need more to be happy. We can choose to live with less and enjoy voluntary simplicity.
And we can decide we don’t need to put off being happy.
Feeling grateful when you are overwhelmed and stressed can be a difficult challenge. But don’t underestimate the power of taking just a few minutes to find gratitude. During a three-year period I lost both my parents and my marriage, and yet I used the power of gratitude to pull myself through my days. Some days I was simply thankful for the clear blue sky and the love of my young children. The more you practice gratitude, the easier it is to feel a deep sense of peace and fullness in life.
Staying mindful and present, adjusting my expectations, considering my priorities, and finding gratitude, all help me to remember to take care of myself. If I neglect my needs, whether they are physical, emotional, or spiritual, I cannot function at my best, and everything that matters most to me suffers. I cannot be mindful, present, and joyful with my family if I am suffering from my own neglect.
Self-care doesn’t require a big time commitment. It can be as simple as asking for a little support when needed. A gentle reminder to my spouse and children to pick up the house, or to give me a few minutes alone after I return from work to recoup from a hectic day.
Small things, if done regularly, can make a big difference.
We often get caught up in the “all or nothing” mentality, and think that we need to do a lot of something to get a benefit, but in reality, it’s the small things done regularly that can make the biggest difference without taking too much time or adding more stress to our already full days.
Think of the small actions you would do to offer comfort to a loved one. Can you do this for yourself?
These are the thing I am doing to stay healthy, happy, and productive. While they seem simple and obvious, it can be hard to think clearly when caught up in the hectic pace of our full lives. I hope this is a gentle reminder for you.
Are you mindful of the present moment as you move through your day?
Do your expectations need adjusting?
What matters most to you? Are your daily choices supporting this?
What are some of the small ways you can take care of yourself?
In peace and comfort,
Michelle
For more on slowing down and enjoying life:
Seeking Joyful Simplicity – Four Herbs for Managing Stress and Overwhelm
Seeking Joyful Simplicity – Stop Putting Off Happiness
Find Joy in the Simple Moments – Enjoy this Free 30-page pdf Workbook
